Like so many others, I look at the new year with fresh eyes and as an opportunity to make changes. I like to evaluate myself and my life a bit, consider what I haven’t done and what I would like to do and, most importantly, who I am as a whole. I feel out how to merge the facts with the intended future.
This last year, I tried to shift my thinking about where I have to be in my life to do a variety of things. For instance, I found myself often thinking, “when I am not in pain (or have more energy), I can/will … ” I began to realize that I was banking my future on the unknown and not working toward a solution. Something that I had largely left behind in my cloud of ill health was entertaining at home. Throughout most of my adult life, I’d thrown somewhat large thrice-yearly parties, plus other get-togethers with friends or family on a regular basis. It waned over the course of the last dozen years, until it virtually stopped. In the spring of 2011, I applied a new mode of thinking to this area. I gingerly began to host friends and family. It continued straight through to the holidays and I am so glad that I just did it. True, what once took me two days now takes a week, but at least I have that knowledge and I’m gentle with myself about the fact that this is how things best work.
I look forward to hosting a great many more gatherings in the coming year.
My future in 2012 seems very open, like a blank notebook. (Oh, my fetish for new diaries and ledgers is beyond measure!) I do like this image of my new year, a fresh and clean pad of paper, a daybook just waiting to be filled with my thoughts and movements through a day, my hustled and harried adventures, the ill-begotten messes and stretches of mundane, a sampling of moments, a glimpse of any day.